Abandon
by Navona
Summary: The journey back from the Emerald City passes by in a hazy week of fear and confusion. Implied Elphaba/Glinda, Glinda/Nessa friendship.


**Title: **Abandon  
**Fandom: **Wicked  
**Rating: **PG  
**Pairing: **Implied Elphaba/Glinda, Glinda/Nessa friendship  
**Summary: **The journey back from the Emerald City passes by in a hazy week of fear and confusion.  
**Notes: **First in my table of wicked prompts.

The journey back from the Emerald City passes by in a hazy week of fear and confusion. Glinda is not at all sure where she is going (and hadn't Elphaba said she would be alright on her own, hadn't she _promised?_), and she breathes a tiny, private sigh of relief each time she finds herself in the right place.

By day, she sits alone, avoiding the eyes of the travelers around her, and by night she curls up small in her tiny bed, pretending Elphaba is behind her, her long arms around Glinda, offering protection, and every now and then reaching forward to press a kiss to Glinda's lips. Guilt rises up in her, because there were always looks, there were always hints, but in the end nothing had ever happened between them, and she can't help feeling that if it had, then none of _this_ might have happened, that in spite of it all, Elphaba wouldn't have been able to leave (wouldn't have been able to leave _her_).

She makes it back to Shiz at last and she wants to cry with relief, except that the nightmare's not over yet; there is still so much left to do and she knows that there will be no Elphaba at the end to make it better.

Madame Morrible does not seem pleased when Glinda tells her that Elphaba will not be returning to Crage Hall, but she does not seem displeased, either. Rather, she takes the news in stride, as if she's been expecting it all along, asking minimal questions, smiling at Glinda, and leaving her with a resounding headache and the feeling that someone has been poking around in her brain.

She wants to go to her room and sleep, but the others still have to be told. Glinda seeks out Pfannee and Shenshen first, knowing that they will care the least, and her voice is surprisingly steady as she tells them of Elphaba's departure. They react with shallow sympathy, and Glinda leaves quickly, knowing they will have told Avaric within the hour. Boq, Crope and Tibbett are slightly harder to find, but Glinda tracks them down eventually in the gardens of Briscoe Hall. Something is wrong; Tibbett is pale and unresponsive, and Crope is quieter than Glinda's ever seen him, and Boq does nothing but cast worried looks in their direction, but Glinda is too exhausted to work out what's going on. She tells them her news instead, and tries not to notice that they're barely listening to her, and then she goes back to Crage Hall, because nothing is right here, and she doesn't think it has anything to do with Elphaba.

She leaves Nessa until last, and she'd planned to take a few minutes in the privacy of her room to calm down, to prepare herself, but the room is too big, too empty without Elphaba, and Glinda goes straight into the adjoining rooms without pausing. Nessa is propped up on her bed, a book spread in front of her and Nanny is knitting busily in the corner, and they can both tell, without words, by the look on Glinda's face, that something is very, very wrong.

Nanny clucks and wails when Glinda tells them what has happened, but Nessa sits very still. Her lips are pressed into a thin line, and she doesn't say a word, but Glinda can see the same hurt and abandonment on her face that she feels herself, and it's enough to make her back out of the room, leaving Nessa to Nanny's attentions, because she can't deal with this without Elphaba.

Things change after that, and Glinda tries hard not to remember what life used to be like. The group of friends all but disbands, and Glinda keeps company with Shenshen and Pfannee again, though she doesn't much participate in their conversations. She sees Boq in class, but it's hard to talk without mentioning Elphaba, so conversation is scarce. Crope and Tibbett are rarely seen by anybody, and when she does glimpse them the obvious change is still apparent; Tibbett is withdrawn and Crope is worried. She learns from Boq that Tibbett isn't well.

She spends a lot of time in her dorm room. The room is still full of Elphaba's things (still full of Elphaba's presence). Nessa has moved out to take her sister's place, but neither of them touches Elphaba's belongings; the black dresses still hang in their place, the textbooks gather dust on the desk. Occasionally Glinda catches Nessa staring at Elphaba's clothes with a look on her face that is tired, and sad; occasionally Nanny helps Nessa into the room to find Glinda curled up with something of Elphaba's in her arms – her books, her notes, her pillow. They never talk about it. ("You were devoted to Glinda," Nanny says to Elphaba many years later, and doesn't add that Glinda was more devoted to Elphaba.)

And then there's a night, near exam time, when Glinda comes back late from the library. Glinda is tired, and the room is dark, and for a moment, when she sees a form curled up in the other bed, dark hair splayed over the pillow, she sees Elphaba. She can't stop the tiny gasp that escapes from her lips and the figure raises its head, and then it's only Nessa again, all fine featured softness and pink skin, and Glinda can't help the rush of disappointment.

"Glinda," Nessa asks, her voice low with sleep, and Glinda crosses the room to help the other girl sit up, leaning her against the wall. They sit together in silence, staring into the dark and after a while Nessa says, very quietly, "I miss her."

It's more than anyone has said about Elphaba since she left, and Glinda finds herself at a loss for what to say. She studies Nessa instead, and is struck by how much she is reminded of Elphaba. She has never seen much resemblance between the two before – green skin does tend to stand out – but suddenly she sees the similarities in the face, in the eyes.

Nessa wriggles, clearly self-conscious, and Glinda scrambles to think of something to say that will reassure her.

"You look like Elphaba," she says, and she blinks, because it isn't what she'd meant to say at all.

For a long moment, Nessa doesn't say anything. Then she sniffs.

"I wish I was Elphaba," she says, her voice thick. "Maybe if I was more… she wouldn't have…" There's a sob somewhere in Nessa's words, and she shakes her head to get rid of the tears trailing down her cheeks. Glinda hesitates, and reaches out to wipe them away for her.

"I think," Glinda says, her voice quiet but steady, "that she would have left anyway. No matter what you – or any of us – had done." She pauses and then adds, her own voice beginning to shake, "I miss her too."

Nessa lets out a small sob, and Glinda maneuvers them so that they're lying down, with Glinda's arms around Nessa in a kind of protective hug. They fall asleep like that a long while later, and when the light wakes them in the morning, Nessa gives Glinda a sleepy smile that makes Glinda feel happier than she has in a long time.

When she gets up, she almost doesn't mind thinking about Elphaba.

She meets a slightly more cheerful Boq in philosophy; Tibbett is feeling better and Crope is cracking jokes again, and obvious relief is etched onto Boq's face. He seems not to be listening as the professor drones on about Animal Rights.

"Elphie would have hated this," Glinda dares to whisper to him, and he looks at her, startled at the mention of Elphaba, before his face relaxes.

"Yes, she would," he agrees, and grins suddenly. "We would have had to tape her mouth shut to keep her quiet." He winks, and turns to the front again.

Glinda smiles.


End file.
